President-Elect Donald Trump and Russian Dictator Vladimir Putin are negotiating a trade deal with the potential to reshape America—both figuratively and literally—with Donald Trump planning to sell California, the whole state, to Russia.
Numerous sources have revealed Trump and Putin have engaged in lengthy discussions regarding the potential agreement to sell California, with at least five separate calls lasting several hours each. And many Americans, including members of Trump’s transition team, his incoming cabinet, and the Republican Party as a whole, are expressing frustration and anger over the talks.
Details surrounding the potential deal have alarmed economists
As the deal stands currently, The United States would sell California for an estimated price of $750 billion—a dramatic discount, given the State’s GDP of $4.08 trillion and property values in excess of $8.3 trillion. Experts estimate the total net value of California to be in the neighborhood of $6.3 trillion, with a curb value in excess of $12 trillion.
Numerous sources with intimate knowledge of the potential deal say Trump considers this an act of retribution against those States that didn’t vote for him, noting that future elections of Donald Trump, after he’s rigged the law to allow him to run indefinitely, would go a lot smoother if blue states weren’t in his way.
For their part, Russia would “absorb” California as “The American Bloc,” a new province of Russia that would serve as a capital region for future potential sales of Oregon and Washington. There have even been talks of Trump selling other states where most people didn’t vote for him—including his home state of New York.
“They’ve talked about selling New York in the future if this deal to sell California works out,” says one of Trump’s own children, who asked to remain anonymous. “Daddy doesn’t care, though. New York didn’t vote for Daddy. New York tried to arrest and imprison Daddy because he broke their silly laws. Daddy doesn’t deserve that!”
Trump’s confidants and allies are torn over plans to sell California
“It’s just absurd. He wants to sell the whole state for peanuts,” says one close Trump confidant, who wishes to remain anonymous for fear of retribution and the costs to his future book deals. “We’re not talking about North Dakota or Rhode Island or some other relatively useless state. Russia’s economy as a whole is only worth a little over $2 trillion. Selling California isn’t going to make America great. Even if we unload all of those lazy pinko socialist liberals.”
Another source close to Trump says he’s disillusioned by the potential deal. “It’s just not right. There are better ways to deal with the California problem, the liberal problem. I was looking forward to rounding them all up into concentration camps, or at least deporting them. California would be a great state if it weren’t overrun with communists. I say we keep it and get rid of everyone who doesn’t agree with us or isn’t white!”
One Trump cabinet pick agrees that selling California is a wise business move. “I’m sick and tired of Hollywood liberal elites telling the rest of us how to think and feel. I can’t wait to see Trump make America great again by offloading those libtards. How dare they try and tell me my racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, and ableism are wrong? Where in the Bible or the Constitution does it say I can’t use the ‘N’ word or shoot someone in the head for using the wrong bathroom? This is America, damn it! Shooting people is what we’re best at ’round here!”
